16 August, 2009

I'm Gonna Have It All!

This morning, when I fired up my computer, as usual, the first thing I did was check my email.

I got a wild hair and decided to comment on some of the spam I get every day and throughout the day as well.

My software does a fairly good job at ferreting out the spam from the usual jokes, funny pictures, chain letters, etc., etc., that all my friends and acquaintances think I need to see just about every day. Oh sure, there may be one or two messages of some actual importance, but usually, it's pretty mundane stuff. Vendors who I've bought something from at sometime still want to sell me more stuff. I look at this as a kind of "quasi-spam." I didn't ask for it specifically, but usually, their ads are close to being on a topic I'm interested in, so I let it slide.

Chain letters I can do without. I delete those without question. This includes the patriotic flag-waving kind that want me to send some sappy picture of a crying bald eagle to 10 other people to show my solidarity for the troops, or something similar that will save our economy, or create world peace or... whatever.

A lot of the jokes and stuff that people send to me are actually pretty funny and topical too. What I don't understand is the need to forward stuff without cleaning out the five hundred other email addresses of people who already sent it to their 10 or so friends. People wonder how their email addresses get on spam lists... Duh.

All those addresses and lines and whatnot adds to the email baggage that gets sent out onto the intertubes. If you're wondering why your connection to the tubes is slow, this might be one of the contributing reasons. At the least, if you're going to forward on jokes, etc., clean the thing up before you hit the button. If you don't know how, you probably have no business hitting the button in the first place. But that's never stopped grandma down the street yet.

Ok, enough ranting and raving. Let's get down to the good stuff. Here it is.

Just from this morning's email, both from the stuff that stayed in my inbox and from the stuff my email program (Thunderbird) filtered out automatically, is stuff that's going to make me:

Become Healthier, Lose Weight, Get Bigger, Bustier,
Save Money on My Meds, Perform Like a Stallion, and
Be a Better Gambler... Oh Yeah, And Pick Up More Women!

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  • Acai Elite will make you a few sizes smaller. In this world of great possibilities you can have a fantastic body without any special efforts. Take a look here and forget about useless and time-consuming exercises and diets. Just take a look
  • Discover the reliable source of cheap and quality drugs. This Newsletter is dedicated to your questions and inquiries about the possibility to save on medications ordering them in Canada. Yes, it's true that Canadian medications are cheaper and of the same quality as American ones. However, to make a definitely safe purchase, we advise you to order with Canadian Pharmacy. Online drugstores make ordering process secure and confidential. Canadian Pharmacy also takes every possible measure to protect your privacy when you order. So you are safe with us. Prompt delivery without any delay, friendly customer service, and incredible selection of meds! Don't miss the chance to purchase your medications at the most favorable prices!
  • Secrets of players and studs Learn how to approach girls in any situation and make them think you're fantastic! Whenever I suggest approaching groups of women I get LOADS of guys looking at me as though I'm from another galaxy. I realize that lots of guys probably don't have the initial confidence to simply walk up to beautiful women they don't know. Don't worry, this can be easily fixed. I'll give you some simple tips here. You see the girls. Go up to them and talk to them NOW! Don't waste time. Within 3 seconds of seeing them, approach them. Some people call this the 3 second rule and I must say it really does seem to work. MORE TIPS INSIDE!
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Just so you know, all the typos in the bits above were theirs. All I did was cut and paste. I didn't edit it to improve the readability.

What was life like before spam? It must have been back in the days, when you'd check your email and - "Wow! Somebody sent me an email! How cool was that"?

PS - I forgot to add on the original posting - I read that the Nigerian spammers and scammers are also affected by the financial crisis. One independent operator (having learned his craft at a spam/scam company) was only able to bring in around thirty to forty thousand dollars a month now. And that was in the US alone. Awww, ain't that a shame.

What's really pitiful and disturbing, is that there are still that many gullible and greedy people in the States that the Nigerian scam thing (and all its iterations and variations) will still work.


Julian in SC said...

Wow, good selection. You have a problem in that I clicked and double-clicked on each of them and could get a link to work! Bummer... however, I'm really looking for a good colon cleanser... my last one was just banned by the Nigerian Chief Medical Officer and I can't get it anymore -- and my weight will go up again!

Seriously, we just went off to visit some friends over the weekend and I am now weeding through 1,013 emails........ What a mess. I think a new email address is needed!

Take care,


Julian in SC said...

Sorry, that was could "NOT" get a link to work....

Dave Rider said...

When I worked for the state, we had email software that did a great job of weeding out all that crap. Then, in their wisdom, they decided it was not proper that software decided for us what email we saw or not... Guess what happened?
Efficiency in government.