Did My Ship Finally Come In?

It's been a long-standing joke in my family that somewhere in the UK we had a rich uncle who, unknown to us, was wealthier than Daddy Warbucks. Supposedly, he even had a soft spot just for us and was planning to leave all his millions and billions to us. Somewhere in the mix there was long-lost Royal title, and a castle, that would be ours as well.

For the past few years, while walking the doggies, every time I've checked my mail box down at the post office, I've joked with Doug that maybe this would be the day that my ship would come in. There would be a letter from the missing uncle (or failing that, from his battery of attorneys) letting us know that, yes, our ship did come in.

Well, not quite in the post office's mail box, but in my email in-box just this morning was this:

     From: "mr James Williams"
     Date: July 12, 2012 9:29:43 CST
     Subject: Re: Code Number 811
     Reply-To: (some bogus email address)

     Prime Minister's Office
     10 Downing Street,
     London, SW1A 2AA
     Foreign Reserve Department,
     London UK.

    Re: Code Number 811

    Sequel to the taking over of the British Prime Minister Mr David Cameron in year 2011, be informed that he has instructed that all outstanding foreign debt accruing from INHERITANCE FUNDS, FUNDS TRAPPED IN LOCAL AND FOREIGN BANKS, SCAM VICTIMS and its associated cases should be compensated immediately through this office. We discovered that you were mislead by some officers who took advantage of you as a result of demanding one payment after another from you instead of releasing your funds to you.

    You are warned to stop further communication with anybody in respect of your payment with effect from today if you wish to receive your fund successfully without further delay. Your payment file is right here with us and we have are set to complete your payment immediately as instructed by Prime Minister David Cameron and ministry of internal affair, who has approved the sum of $500,000.000.00 (Five Hundred Million United States Dollar Only), to be shared among the affected scam victims around the globe.

    Note: that we have been mandated to issue out $2,000,000.00 (Two Million US Dollars Only) as a part payment to you for this fiscal year 2012 that will be paid through Citibank, London UK - VISA CORPORATE ATM CARD/LLOYD BANK INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT. if you will like to receive your fund this week let us know immediately by contacting me upon the receipt of this notification and also reconfirm the following information

    1. Names:
    2. Address:
    3. Sex:
    4. Age:
    5. Occupation:
    6. Phone Number:
    7. Choose from the two payment option.
        A. CITIBANK VISA CORPORATE ATM CARD
        B. LLOYD BANK INTERNATIONAL CERTIFIED BANK DRAFT

    While we advise you to stop further communication with anybody with effect from today no matter what the person might claim to be so that you don't lost your hard earned money to impostors again.

    We hereby issue you our code of conduct, which is (811) so you have to indicate this code when contacting us by using it as your subject because of your last experience.

    Yours sincerely,
        Mr. James Williams
        Foreign Debt Settlement Committee, UK
        (The same bogus email address)

Hard to believe that the British Prime Minister's office knew just how and where to get in touch with me. But, I appreciate the fact that Mr. Cameron and his staff have been so dilligent in this matter. They probably haven't had time to do anything else during the interim.

I'll bet they'll be glad to get rid of all that cash my rich uncle has left in their care to distribute just to me. Wow! I'm impressed.

I'm just wondering though... Since they obviously knew how to get in touch with me, why they need the information above. They probably have that all on file already and really don't expect me to stoop to doing such a mundane task, now that I'm coming in to my inheritance, as it were.

This is way better than those nice Nigerians who just wanted me to funnel (or is it launder?) some money for them and give them a portion of it in return. It's even better than Publisher's Clearing House. It must be that Mr. Cameron is determined to give me the full amount due. I'll make sure he gets a big tip... Mr. Williams, too.